Sunday, 20 February 2011

Diary of a house husband

Well, this is it. I'm finally a house husband. My last shift at Shakespeare's Birthplace went by in a haze of annoying Chinese tourists and questions about whether the Globe Theatre was ever in Stratford and I'm now at my final destination- Child rearer, nappy changer and sick cleaner upper. (Anyone inserting the joke about how I'll have to do that with the baby as well will be taken away and shot by the comedy police. ITV I believe they're called) Of course I won't be on my own doing this. My wonderful wife and mother of my as yet unborn child will be helping out in her capacity as the one whose far more sensible than I am (Anyone who has seen my wife laughing at Penguins and singing in a broad Brummy accent to The Lion Sleeps Tonight, will realise the implications of bringing up a child where she's the sensible one)
The problem I'm having at the moment is I'm at a bit of a loose end. Charlie Brown still hasn't arrived and isn't due for another 5 days (God, it seems so close when I put it like that!) But until the momentous day arrives, what's a boy to do? I suspect the answer is, enjoy every precious moment of unadulterated guilt free time you have as you won't be getting any time like that for a long time to come!
So far today I've had a long lie in, 10am, which has long since become a thing of the past even on a Sunday as my body prepares me for early starts and sleepless nights, had a long slow breakfast of coffee and bacon and eggs, read the Sunday papers, fed the birds, prepared some flower beds and generally floated round in a state of airy anticipation of the day when I won't get a chance to do any of those things. This is obviously how my wife has felt for the last 3 weeks as she's wound down from work; we've got so much time on our hands we just don't know what to do with it. Doing nothing is very hard for my wife to do as anyone who knows her will testify. I always thought I was quite good at it but maybe it's the fact I've had almost 2 years of solid employment, an unheard off pleasure in the acting world, that I've lost the ability of not being able to relax and do nothing. If not lost it, then certainly it's under used and rusty from lack of use. There's an oxymoron for you! Still, I know we're doing the right thing, and it'll be a nice thing to get to know my wife again whilst it's just the two of us. And every day Charlie Brown stays wrapped up in his or her cocoon of warmth and security, the closer we get to Uncle Richard getting back from honeymoon and meeting, not to mention spoiling, his first niece and nephew and me winning the sweepstake of guessing the correct date of birth. Come on March 2nd! Or was it the 3rd? Either way, knowing the mischievous streak it's already showing, it's probably going to make an appearance during the potential 6 Nations decider of England V France on Saturday despite strict instructions to the contrary! Still, Chris Ashton Bayliss has a certain ring to it.

And so the waiting continues, the papers and complete works of Sherlock Holmes will be read in due course and I can gaze round the clean and tidy house knowing full well that very soon, it's going to be a dumping ground for nappies, strange squeaky toys and soiled baby grows. I can't wait.......

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